you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
