hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
