If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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