3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
