a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
