After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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