Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
