i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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