she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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