my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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