okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
