the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
