I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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