I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
