HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
