I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
