Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
