ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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