he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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