You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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