i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
