I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize