I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
