I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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