My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
