You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
