i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
