Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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