It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
