I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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