Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
