my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
