it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
