the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
