I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
