I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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