i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Found your dick twin last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize