ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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