her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
