Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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