Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
