Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
