where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
