Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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