I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
