so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
