Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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