There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
