Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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