We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
