roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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