I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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