i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think my vagina is haunted
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
