I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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