your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
