she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
