I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
