"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
