I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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