he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
