Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
