when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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