He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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