My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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