It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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