YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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