I accidentally burped into my bong.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
