The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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