Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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