My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
