Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
