Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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