I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
