He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
