My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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