That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize