My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
