It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
