At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
