you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
