I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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