Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
