Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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