remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
