her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
