I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
