There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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