I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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