remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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