You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
