I hate all girls vehemently.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
don't judge my taste in strippers
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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