my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
